goals

Hello, world.

It’s been so long since I’ve done this that I feel as if we’re on a first date, again. Honestly, I’m a little nervous. It’s been a while since we’ve spent any time together. Will you still like me? Will I say something funny or interesting, and will you laugh? Will we be able to regain that sense of mutual interest and connection? Will you text me later and say you had a nice time?

I promise that if you do, I won’t wait another eight months to respond. 😉

The past eight months has flown by in a whirlwind of activity. Work, kids, husband, friends, travel, work, kids, husband, work, family, work, PTA, kids and work. It’s all been good, mostly.

My job, which I started nine months ago, has been going pretty well. After six years as a stay home mom, I took a part-time position working for a music publishing company as a music coordinator and personal assistant. It’s been fun. We create and license orchestral music/sound design for movie trailers. I love music and movies, so it seemed like a good fit, although I have no previous experience in either industry. As it turns out, my penchant (read OCD) for detail and organization lends itself nicely to the trailer music industry. A lot of people ask me for examples of what we do. Did any of you happen to see the debut trailer for The Last Jedi? The epically moving, raise the hair on your arms music in that trailer just happens to be ours! Yes, it was a BFD. We celebrated the next morning after the release of the trailer with mimosas and French omelets. Just in case you haven’t seen it…

Later, my daughter asked me, “Mom, what did YOU actually do to contribute to that movie trailer?” I couldn’t tell if she was mocking me because she thinks I’m lame, or if she was looking for proof that I’m really as cool as I tell her I am. So I was honest with her and said, “Not a damn thing. My job is to do all the other stuff, so the people I work for can focus their time and talents on creating music for projects like this.” I’m pretty sure she took that as validation of her initial assessment, which is that I’m lame.

Despite how well my job is going, I will admit that I’m still waiting for my lightening bolt. For a long time I’ve had this sense that there’s something I’m supposed to be doing, yet I have no idea what it is. It’s like there’s a thin veil hanging over my life, and I can’t quite see through it, but I know the answers I need are on the other side. I’ve always envied people who understood their talents. People who have a clear vision of their path in life. Some people know without hesitation what they are meant to do. Their talent and drive toward that goal manifests itself clearly for them. For me that has never been the case. Despite doing well in the career/jobs I’ve chosen, I’ve always struggled to fully grasp my sense of purpose, and after celebrating another birthday this past September, I feel a sense of urgency toward whatever self-discovery needs to take place in order to put myself on the right path. I’m not afraid of hard work, I just want to realize what I’m supposed to be working toward so I can get on with it. Is it too much to ask to wake up one morning with a hand written note beside my bed that reads,

Dear Wanda,

You are destined to become a dolphin trainer. Please make arrangements for whatever training is necessary to complete this task and file your application for employment at Sea World, as soon as possible.

Your welcome,

The Universe

I think I would take a clue like that seriously. I tried asking my kids what they think I’m good at. Their answers are ridiculous but I love their honesty. My son says stuff like, “You’re good at snuggles, Mommy. And you make the best meatloaf.” He also told me I was good at being a mommy, and he suggested I open up the baby factory and have another one so he could be a big brother.

So that’s where I’m at. Attempting to support one company on it’s path to greatness while I strive to discover my own. If any of you can relate, it would be awesome to hear about it. And by the way, to those of you who reached out to check on me during my little blogging hiatus, I want you to know how much I genuinely appreciated that, so thank you! 🙂

Happy New Year World!!!!!!!!!

I love starting the new year with good intentions. I love the idea that everyone gets a do over. A chance to make better choices, or form a plan that somehow allows you to improve your life in some way. So it’s fitting that my first post of 2015 will be about my New Year’s resolutions.

I know what you’re thinking. How trite. How B-O-R-I-N-G. So typical. So many people make resolutions and never keep them, myself included. But I love the act of evaluating my life and the events of the previous year to set my course for the future. I love the act of making a conscious choice to stop fucking shit up.

I think the reason so many people fail at their goals for the year is that they set their expectations too high. I am also guilty of this and I can recall with painful clarity the moments over the years when my resolution failures became inevitable. That moment every January 2nd when I said to hell with it and ate the cookie, cake, dessert, wine, pizza or other fried, delicious thing that officially broke the diet I started that morning. This year I endeavor to break the mold. This year, my resolutions will be completely attainable. Low hanging fruit, so to speak, but fruit, nonetheless.

1. This year I will start my diet…..again….right after I finish eating the Godiva chocolate basket my mother-in-law gave me for Christmas. It’s Godiva. I’m not sharing it with anyone. It’s mine. I’ll work on being thinner after that delicious goodness is gone. (Notice how I didn’t say I would lose weight? I just said I would start my diet again. See? Low hanging fruit).

2. This year I will do less laundry. Bryn is old enough to learn how to do her own laundry and it’s time she started pulling her weight around here. One less basket of laundry for me to wash and fold for someone else is one less week of procrastination a month. That’s huge progress for me. I can already tell it’s going to be a fabulous year!

This cat can sew better than I can.

3. This year I will learn how to sew. Bryn asked for a sewing machine for Christmas and her grandmother got her one. It’s a real sewing machine and I need to help her learn to use it. We will take a sewing class together so that I can learn alongside her and help her if she runs into trouble when she starts using her machine. This is a sacrifice on my part because I have absolutely no interest in sewing, whatsoever. But I look at it this way…….when the zombie apocalypse happens, people will need clothes when theirs get all nasty and torn with zombie warfare shit all over them, and as long as I know how to sew and make clothes, people will want to help keep me alive. It’s a survival skill.

But this is a more realistic outcome.

4. I will grow a real garden this spring and use the canning equipment my husband bought me two years ago that’s sat untouched in the garage. I’ve had a budding interest in gardening and canning for some time, and God only knows why. I can’t imagine a hobby that more clearly declares that I am officially a boring, old woman. It must be my Midwestern genes kicking in because no matter how hard I fight it, my instinct is to embrace the domestic goddess within me. My head says, “I just want to paint my nails, lose weight and go buy leather pants,” and my heart is all, “No, you need to grow vegetables in the dirt, can delicious, preservative-free food for your family and plan for your future!” (Sigh). I think the domestic goddess is winning, and last year I had some success growing tomatoes and zucchini in my container garden. The canning process still intimidates me, but again, it’s a survival skill. If I can learn to do this, I will know how to grow and preserve food when all the restaurants and grocery stores have been looted in the apocalypse and there is no food to be found.

5. I will drink more wine. Wine is good.

I stole this picture from Facebook.

6. I will attempt to curse less. Wait, what? No, scratch that. That won’t happen.

7. When my husband loads the dishwasher in a way that makes my OCD crazy, I vow that I will not rearrange everything the way that I want it. Unless he isn’t home. Then I will totally rearrange the dishes so they fit perfectly together they way the puzzle making dishwasher basket designers intended.

8. And lastly, this year I am officially breaking up with wheat, depression, family drama, Spanx, people who take themselves too seriously, and my bathroom scale. 🙂

Also, to those of you who follow my Wanda, I just want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. The past five months of blogging has been more rewarding and fun than I could have imagined. I have loved reading your blogs and learning about so many of your lives around the world. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and a Happy New Year!