I’ve always wanted to try Pilates, but honestly, what little I’ve seen of it really intimidates me.  I’ve never seen curvaceous women or people who need to lose weight doing Pilates.  It’s always super sculpted women with flat and tight everything rocking those moves like it’s no big deal.  It’s always left me with the impression that Pilates is one of those workouts you tackle after you’re in great shape, not when you’re trying to get into shape.

My neighbor and good friend recently suggested I attend a Pilates class with her.  I wanted to go but I was afraid, not fully knowing what to expect, that I would make a complete ass out of myself.  I am one of those curvaceous women you never see doing Pilates.  Plus, even when you use a workout mat, when you have big boobs, laying face down on the floor and smashing the girls into an unforgiving surface is not something to look forward too.  So, just to try it out in the privacy of my own home first, I got a beginners Pilates DVD so I could do a few of the workouts and really see for myself what it was all about.  Let me stress, the workout I got was for beginners.

Holy workout hell!

It doesn’t look hard at first, until you try to balance on your tailbone with your arms and legs fully extended in the air. Or balance on your side and hip and lift your legs and shoulders off the ground using only your stomach muscles. That’s when shit gets real.

The core basics workout was insane.  I realize my core needs work, but I couldn’t get my body to do half of what the instructor was doing.  My muscles just wouldn’t respond to my brain’s command to lift my legs and my upper body off the floor at the same time, and every exercise was a variation of this move.  Additionally, my lower back and tailbone are sensitive to pressure, so there is no way I can properly balance on my tailbone without experiencing pain.  Even now, over an hour after finishing the workout my neck, shoulders and tailbone are still pulsing with discomfort.  I’m sure I was doing it wrong….but you have to have abs of fucking steel to do these moves.  In fact, hold on…I need to get an Advil.

Maybe if I found a class that stressed it was for beginners it would be better, but for now I’m going to go find a heating pad and raid my husband’s medicine cabinet for some Bengay and call it a day.

Pilates=Epic Fail.