Wanda Says…Happy New Year World!

happy new yearHappy New Year World!!!!!!!!!

I love starting the new year with good intentions.  I love the idea that everyone gets a do over.  A chance to make better choices,  or form a plan that somehow allows you to improve your life in some way.   So it’s fitting that my first post of 2015 will be about my New Year’s resolutions.

I know what you’re thinking.  How trite.  How B-O-R-I-N-G.  So typical.  So many people make resolutions and never keep them, myself included.  But I love the act of evaluating my life and the events of the previous year to set my course for the future.  I love the act of making a conscious choice to stop fucking shit up.

I think the reason so many people fail at their goals for the year is that they set their expectations too high.  I am also guilty of this and I can recall with painful clarity the moments over the years when my resolution failures became inevitable.  That moment every January 2nd when I said to hell with it and ate the cookie, cake, dessert, wine, pizza or other fried, delicious thing that officially broke the diet I started that morning.  This year I endeavor to break the mold.  This year, my resolutions will be completely attainable.  Low hanging fruit, so to speak, but fruit, nonetheless.

d2454645cd67290377a08d4d2d6ab067[1]1.   This year I will start my diet…..again….right after I finish eating the Godiva chocolate basket my mother-in-law gave me for Christmas.  It’s Godiva.  I’m not sharing it with anyone.  It’s mine.  I’ll work on being thinner after that delicious goodness is gone.  (Notice how I didn’t say I would lose weight?  I just said I would start my diet again.  See?  Low hanging fruit).

2.  This year I will do less laundry.  Bryn is old enough to learn how to do her own laundry and it’s time she started pulling her weight around here.  One less basket of laundry for me to wash and fold for someone else is one less week of procrastination a month.  That’s huge progress for me.  I can already tell it’s going to be a fabulous year!

This cat can sew better than I can.

This cat can sew better than I can.

3.  This year I will learn how to sew.  Bryn asked for a sewing machine for Christmas and her grandmother got her one.  It’s a real sewing machine and I need to help her learn to use it.  We will take a sewing class together so that I can learn alongside her and help her if she runs into trouble when she starts using her machine.  This is a sacrifice on my part because I have absolutely no interest in sewing, whatsoever.  But I look at it this way…….when the zombie apocalypse happens, people will need clothes when theirs get all nasty and torn with zombie warfare shit all over them, and as long as I know how to sew and make clothes, people will want to help keep me alive.  It’s a survival skill.

But this is a more realistic outcome.

But this is a more realistic outcome.

4.  I will grow a real garden this spring and use the canning equipment my husband bought me two years ago that’s sat untouched in the garage.  I’ve had a budding interest in gardening and canning for some time, and God only knows why.  I can’t imagine a hobby that more clearly declares that I am officially a boring, old woman.   It must be my Midwestern genes kicking in because no matter how hard I fight it, my instinct is to embrace the domestic goddess within me.  My head says, “I just want to paint my nails, lose weight and go buy leather pants,” and my heart is all, “No, you need to grow vegetables in the dirt, can delicious, preservative-free food for your family and plan for your future!”  (Sigh).  I think the domestic goddess is winning, and last year I had some success growing tomatoes and zucchini in my container garden.  The canning process still intimidates me, but again, it’s a survival skill.   If I can learn to do this,  I will know how to grow and preserve food when all the restaurants and grocery stores have been looted in the apocalypse and there is no food to be found.

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5.  I will drink more wine.  Wine is good.

I stole this picture from Facebook.

I stole this picture from Facebook.

6.  I will attempt to curse less.  Wait, what?  No, scratch that.  That won’t happen.

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7.  When my husband loads the dishwasher in a way that makes my OCD crazy, I vow that I will not rearrange everything the way that I want it.  Unless he isn’t home.  Then I will totally rearrange the dishes so they fit perfectly together they way the puzzle making dishwasher basket designers intended.

8.  And lastly, this year I am officially breaking up with wheat, depression, family drama, Spanx, people who take themselves too seriously, and my bathroom scale.  🙂

Also, to those of you who follow my Wanda, I just want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  The past five months of blogging has been more rewarding and fun than I could have imagined.  I have loved reading your blogs and learning about so many of your lives around the world.    I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and a Happy New Year!

Wanda Says…Blog awards, Rick Springfield, and other random stuff.

one-lovely-blog-award[1]Recently another great blogger, Weight2lose2013, nominated me for the One Lovely Blog Award.  This is my second ‘New Blogger’ award since I started this blog four and a half months ago.  I won’t lie, I’m pretty thrilled about it.

The One Lovely Blog Award nominations are chosen by fellow bloggers for those newer and up-and-coming bloggers. The goal is to help give recognition and also to help the new blogger to reach more viewers. It also recognizes blogs that are considered to be “lovely” by the fellow bloggers who choose them. This award recognizes bloggers who share their story or thoughts in a beautiful manner to connect with viewers and followers.

You think I’m lovely?  Really?   Even though I use the F-word a lot?  Awww, that’s fantastic!

Prior to blogging, I’ve never won any awards.  Not ever.  Not even a perfect attendance award in elementary school.  This was partly due to how shy I was as a kid, and I didn’t really outgrow that shyness until I was in high school.  Even then, I never liked to be the center of attention so I learned to fly under the radar.  I’ve always been social and enjoyed being included in group activities but I never really put myself out there to try and accomplish something I could be recognized for.

So having my silly, ridiculous little blog acknowledged in a positive manner by my peers in the blogging community feels pretty amazing.  I never thought anyone would read it, so I am beyond flattered that any of you enjoy it enough to keep coming back and checking in on Wanda.  I truly enjoy being a part of the WordPress community, and I want to thank Weight2lose2013 for the nomination and support.  All of you should go check out his blog immediately!

Now let’s get to the rules… 

In order to “accept” the award the nominated blogger must follow several guidelines:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you for the award.
  2. Add the One Lovely Blog logo to your post.
  3. Share 7 facts/or things about yourself
  4. Nominate 15 bloggers you admire and inform the nominees by commenting on their blogs

Here are seven random facts about me:

1.  I often read to myself, out loud.  I can’t help it.  When I’m engrossed in a good book reading out loud to myself just happens, and when I try and suppress the urge I get frustrated and end up re-reading a paragraph several times trying to concentrate.  I don’t like to read with other people in the room for this reason.  Does anyone else have this problem?

e2e9241c60145eca0ead8eaa485ad1dc[1]2.   I’ve had a white hot crush on Rick Springfield for about 30 years now, and I don’t see that changing, ever.  Growing up, I really wanted to be Jesse’s Girl so Rick would love me too.  (Sigh)

3.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when people ask me if I’m wearing contacts.  I have blue eyes, and five out of ten people will ask me point blank if I am wearing contact lenses.  Here’s what irritates me about this…they don’t ask if I’m wearing colored contacts, just contacts.  I do wear contacts because I have horrible vision, but they aren’t colored.  Frequently, people just assume my eye color is enhanced with blue colored contacts, and when they ask it’s almost like they’re accusing me of something.  It’s the knowing tone of voice they use, like they just out-smarted a used car salesman that annoys the shit out of me.  I usually reply by saying, “Yes, I wear contacts because my vision is horrible, but how could you tell that just by looking at me?”   My point is that people shouldn’t assume that because someone has an interesting feature that they’re fake in some way.  And even if they are, why should you care?

coffee cup4.  Coffee is my favorite beverage.  I worship coffee.  I could drink it all day, especially when it’s cold and raining.  I don’t like black coffee, though.  I like my coffee like I like my ice cream…sweet and creamy.  When I travel, I even pack my own sweetener (Stevia) and non-dairy creamer.  So many people and hotels don’t have Stevia or the cream I like, so I never leave town without it.

5.  I love books of all kinds and I read books from every genre.  Historical fiction is my favorite, but paranormal romance is my secret, guilty pleasure.  Sometimes, after reading something heavy and thought-provoking, I need a book that doesn’t make me think too hard.  Something that just makes me laugh, takes me to the edge of my seat, and makes my heart race with the anticipation of the two main characters finally getting their shit together and realizing they belong to each other.  Some of my favorite series include the Fever series, the Immortals After Dark series, the Black Dagger Brotherhood, and the Charley Davidson series.  All of these series are sexy, smart, action-packed and hilarious.

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6. I really do have a weird obsession with the zombie apocalypse.  Last month my husband was cleaning out the garage and he knew to pile everything he wanted to get rid of in the driveway for me to look at first, just in case I wanted to save something for my zombie stash.  He wanted to get rid of a Brita water filter tank and several new, replacement filters.  I was like, “What if the zombie apocalypse comes and we need a way to filter water for drinking?”  He calmly put the water tank and filters back in the garage, without saying a word.  I think he appreciates the fact that I’m thinking ahead.  😉

7.  Sometimes, I spontaneously start dancing around my house.  Sometimes with music, most of the time without music.  My dancing is usually motivated by doing something silly with my kids.  I think I’m a great dancer.  My kids think I’m ridiculous and my husband just thinks it’s funny.

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Now for the blogger nominations!  I don’t know fifteen new bloggers to nominate, so I will nominate the bloggers that I do know and believe you will enjoy as much as I do.

http://jurassicmom.com/

http://lindsaysmiles.wordpress.com/

http://sweetykannoth.wordpress.com/

http://redcarpetsquare.wordpress.com/

That’s it!  Thanks again and I hope everyone has a fabulous week!  🙂

Wanda Says…Let’s talk about something fun, like zombies!

Scared girlIt’s been a rough week for me. I’ve been battling a bout of the stay-home-mommy-blues and I’m depressed about my upcoming birthday.  I’ve started and deleted about four different posts this week that were a bit ranty, but I don’t want to get in the habit of that because it really doesn’t make me feel better.  So, just for shits and giggles, let’s talk about something fun, like zombies!

Like many people, I am obsessed with zombie fiction.  I read and watch entirely too much science-fiction and post-apocalyptic literature.  It stresses me out and entertains me at the same time. I love stories about humanity’s ability to rise above chaos and disaster when the world goes dark and monsters are lurking around every corner.  However, my love of these genres does have an unfortunate tendency to make me a little paranoid, and that spills over into my real life where I imagine all sorts of crazy scenarios that require me to protect my family at all costs.

For example, a few months ago we had to take my son to the emergency room on a Saturday night.  If you’ve ever spent a weekend evening in the emergency room at any major urban hospital, you will totally understand where I’m going with this.

In the waiting room, there’s an air of desperation that surrounds you and permeates your pores in a way that makes your skin crawl.  While we were there, one guy sat for several hours waiting with a broken arm.  Several people sick with the stomach flu were given emesis buckets and sat amongst everyone else while they waited to see a doctor.  More than a few people traded seats for the other side of the room when the pukers sat down.  The man sitting across from me had a partially severed finger and was bleeding steadily, yet still he waited with everyone else.  Everyone had these terrible expressions of pain and suffering on their faces.

At one point, I looked around the room, and could clearly imagine that if a zombie apocalypse was going to happen, an emergency room in the middle of the night was the perfect origination point for such a disaster.  Although it sounds very dramatic, I would be lying if I said I didn’t scope out the exits in case I needed to make a break for it with my family.  I could clearly picture the woman sitting across the room, staring blankly into space while clutching her throw-up bucket, morphing into some half-dead creature of the night who wanted to eat my brains.  At 2am, anything seemed possible.

And don’t even get me started on the crazy thoughts running through my head after watching the movie World War Z.  Afterwards, I told my husband two things.  Number one, we needed to go on diets, because we were too chubby and out of shape to outrun any zombies if they really attacked.  And two, I needed to go to a shooting range and learn how to accurately fire a gun so that one of us would be able to wield a weapon and protect us during the invasion.  Without those two major lifestyle changes, our ass was grass if the worst should happen.

I know it’s silly, but to preserve my image as a mostly sane and reasonable person, let’s pretend that I’m not paranoid about zombie invasions, and I’m really just referring to emergency preparedness for your typical Southern California earthquake disaster.  That’s more palatable to the average person (and to my neighbors).  People tend to think you’re a freak when you admit your Costco shopping run was due to the fact that you were up all night having nightmares after watching an episode of the Walking Dead.

I go through these little stages of feeling like I need to have supplies on hand in case there’s a natural disaster, like an earthquake (or a chemical spill that causes all life forms to mutate into horrible creatures), and our utilities or local services are shut down.    Since I live in Southern California, this only makes good sense.  And plus, I live in Los Angeles, and everyone knows that all the alien and zombie invasions will happen in either LA or New York first, because all the film makers say so.  So my husband and I have prepared a stash of water and food supplies for emergency purposes.  He calls it my zombie stash, because he totally gets me and sees it for what it truly is, no matter what I tell our neighbors.

I try not to let myself get too carried away though.  I have to draw the line when I start thinking about the potential benefits of going to survival wilderness camps, or going to Home Depot to buy large sheets of plywood boards that could be used to board up the windows of my home to prevent looters (or the soul-sucking undead) from raiding my house.

But if the worst should happen, you can bet your ass I won’t be going anywhere near a hospital emergency room.