Wanda Says…When did dentistry become sexy?

November 25, 2014 / Wanda / 7 Comments

I had a dentist appointment today. I hate going to the dentist.

I suffer from a life-long fear and anxiety of all things dentistry. It began when I was a child. Our dentist did not particularly like working on children, and back then the attitude toward having dental work was very much a suck-it-up-buttercup mentality.

At my childhood dentist’s office, there was no room for sissies in the chair. Just a hygienist who was willing to hold you down while some sadistic fuck of a man who called himself a doctor would drill into your teeth without novocaine, or gag you until you threw up all over yourself, and then ridicule you for being upset about it. I could go into more detail, but I’m sure you get my point.

So I developed a deep and lasting fear of all things dentistry. So much so that in my early twenties, I just said to hell with it. Why pay someone to torture me with small instruments of pain? No, thank you. So I just stopped going to the dentist….for fifteen years.

Now let me say this…I have been blessed genetically with good teeth. And thank God for that, because I don’t think I would have survived if I’d ever needed braces. And I’m vain enough that if my teeth were jacked up or in pain, I would want to have them fixed. But thankfully I have nice, straight, even teeth.

Last year my wisdom teeth (which no one ever bothered to tell me should come out when I was a teenager) began to ram their way through my gum line. My top ones came in ten years ago, but I had room for them so figured I was fine just leaving them in. If I survived the pain of cutting teeth at 30, I was keeping them! But last year when one of the bottom molars started to present itself, it was impacted and there was just no way to put it off any longer. I was devastated and terrified, to say the least.

After a weekend spent laying on the couch in severe mouth pain, my husband dragged me to his dentist. He had been trying to get me to go for years, and finally, my pain and suffering was the last straw. Dan even scheduled the appointment, took time off of work and went with me. He’s awesome like that.

What shocked me is how much dentistry, and the image of dentistry has changed over the years. My husband’s dental office (and now mine as well) is lovely. Remember how dentists offices always had a certain smell to them? I hate that smell. This office doesn’t smell. The staff and hygienists are kind and considerate. Oh, and all the dentists who work there are hot as hell.

Seriously?

Yes, seriously. Like, doctor McDreamy hot.

When you look at the office’s website which has a page dedicated to each of the dentists in the practice, they read like celebrity bios from Men’s Magazine. They are all highly educated, certified and accredited from the best schools, and they are all easy on the eyes. Their photos are glossy, professional and highlight the athleticism of the doctor featured. Their bios read like, “aside from the charity work doctor so and so does for homeless children’s dentistry, in his free time he enjoys surfing, beach volleyball and working out.”

Is this a California thing? When did dentistry become the cool, hot guy profession?

And what’s even crazier is that my dentist is the most considerate, compassionate, do-anything-to-ease-your-fears-and-make-you-comfortable kind of doctor. He is amazing, and he won me over with his easy-going demeanor, sense of humor and understanding of my fears. He is patient and gentle, always.

And the truth is that I could give two-shits about how adorable he is. Good for him. What I truly care about is what a great dentist he is, and how he’s working successfully to change a stereotype simply by being the awesome doctor he is.

Now, despite doctor Dreamy’s awesome demeanor and my profoundly improved experiences with dental care, that didn’t stop me from wanting to cancel my appointment to avoid having my teeth cleaned today. I almost did. Last night, as I lay in bed dreading the next morning and having nightmares about needles and dental drills, I really wanted to fake-sick so I could cancel my appointment. My husband talked me out of it, and I didn’t want to disappoint him by acting like a candy-ass.

I did find it funny though that the dentists office called me, emailed me and texted me like, ten different times to confirm my appointment. When I mentioned the excessive confirmation process to my girlfriend, who also goes to the same dentist, she said, “Well it makes sense. They know you’re a runner.”

LOL! That I am!

Wanda Says…I’ve touched poop with my bare hands.

November 24, 2014 / Wanda / 16 Comments

I’ve done a lot of disgusting, undesirable things since becoming a mom.

For example, at various times and for various reasons I’ve caught both of my kid’s pee, poop, and vomit with my bare hands. This was usually in an attempt to redirect the flow or minimize the splash zone.

I’ve sniffed butts, armpits, underwear, diapers, and feet to determine the source of offensive odors. You know you’re a parent when you have no qualms, whatsoever, about picking up your small child and smelling their ass in public to determine if he or she has a poopy diaper.

When Bryn was three years old, she crawled into bed with me, woke me up and told me she had an upset stomach. I laid her down with me and began to rub her tummy while questioning her about her symptoms. Before I knew what was coming, she sat up and threw up all over both of us in the middle of my bed. It was everywhere. She was hysterical and we were both covered in vomit.

What? It’s just a little pee!

When my son was an infant he shot a stream of his pee into my open mouth when I was changing his diaper. With baby boys you can never let your guard down while changing diapers. You have to be focused and quick to avoid disaster. He was laying on his back on the changing table and I was talking to my husband. His timing was perfect. I was distracted while doing two things at once, and his pee shot straight up into my face as I turned my head and opened my mouth to talk. Believe me when I say that was a startling, gag-worthy experience, and one I hope never to repeat, ever.

Another time while at Disneyland with the kids, I was holding Bryce on my hip while waiting in line to meet Mickey Mouse. He was two and not yet potty trained. He peed and pooped in his pull-up at the same time, and the two substances mixed to form a watery concoction that leaked all over my clothes from my waist down to my thighs. I had extra clothes for him and was able to buy a new shirt for myself at the gift shop, but was at a loss to replace my jeans. I smelled like I had the Hershey squirts for the rest of the day, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed.

When my daughter was five we were in the bathroom at Midway Airport in Chicago, Illinois. Midway is a pretty nice airport, and their bathrooms are actually nicer than most, but when you have hundreds of people moving through them everyday they just can’t be that clean. Well, after using the facilities, my daughter accidentally dropped her favorite stuffed animal, a little orange cat named Spooky, into the airport bathroom toilet. We both froze. And then, without thinking, I did what any self-respecting, child loving woman with a Mom Card would do…I reached my hand into that Godforsaken pee-germ bowl of bacteria and I saved Spooky. I rinsed him in the sink of the bathroom, wrapped him in a roll of paper towels, and then asked the cleaning woman in the restroom to pour straight bleach on my hands. When we arrived at our hotel, I soaked Spooky in hot water and shampoo (it was the only soap I had). Bryn was sad that I wouldn’t allow her to snuggle Spooky after his traumatic nearly-flushed down the toilet ordeal, but she understood that he needed to be thoroughly decontaminated first. After arriving home at the end of our vacation, I put Spooky through a hot water cycle in the washing machine and high heat dryer before he found his way back into Bryn’s arms.

What I find noteworthy about these foul experiences with my children is how becoming a parent changes your reaction to them. Instead of becoming physically ill myself after being thrown up on, or grossed out by the ordeal, my first thought is of my child’s comfort, fear and how to make it better for them. Instinctually, my own needs become secondary to theirs. I will walk around Disneyland with my son’s poop on my jeans, and not make a federal case of it so he doesn’t feel shame. I will bathe and wash my daughter’s hair before I wash her vomit out of my own hair so she will know her health and comfort are more important to me than a little (a lot) of throw up. I will stick my hand in a disgusting airport bathroom toilet to save a beloved stuffed animal before I will allow my daughter to suffer that loss.

I have earned my Mom Card, and God only knows what their pre-teen and teen years will require of me.

Now I would love to know…What is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever done for your kids? 🙂

Wanda Says…I need another vacation.

November 20, 2014 / Wanda / 4 Comments

This is me, three days after coming home from vacation and trying to catch up on housework and deal with my children. For real.

Wanda Says…100 is a great number!

November 12, 2014 / Wanda / 13 Comments

I gave myself a trophy!

I woke up this morning, checked some notifications on WordPress and discovered that my follower count hit 100 today. I have 100 followers!

I realize this number will seem insignificant to many people, but to me it’s huge. I never expected more than a handful of people to read this blog and I assumed the majority of that handful would be family or friends.

So this just made my day! 🙂

Wanda Says…Silliness, Shenanigans and Air Guitar.

November 9, 2014January 11, 2026 / Wanda / 11 Comments

I have very little sympathy for my kids when I embarrass them, especially when the embarrassment takes place in the privacy of our own home over silliness and varied shenanigans. I also feel that occasionally embarrassing my children is a necessary action of parenting. It’s a public service really, because I am preparing them to deal with the insanity of the real world.

Last night, my husband and I had a date, and I was in my room getting ready. I was listening to the Journey station on Pandora and Bryce was laying on my bed talking to me. And then it happened.

Pandora began to play one of my favorite jams…Jukebox Hero by Foreigner.

I am not physically capable of restraining myself during that song. Every Midwestern, rock star wannabe cell in my body rises to the occasion and becomes the music. I ran to the remote and cranked up the volume. I did not care that Bryce had a slightly alarmed look on his face.

I sang. Loudly. I danced. I threw my hair around. (I grew up on 70’s and 80’s rock music, so my hair banging skills are exceptional). I rocked the air guitar and I embraced the moment. My guitar solo was totally badass. Or, I imagined it was as I rocked that shit all over my bedroom.

At one point I saw that Bryce had his hands over his ears with his face scrunched up and he seemed to be shouting something to me. His eyes were wide and his face was red with the tell-tale signs of mortification and agitation over my less than mature behavior.

I kept singing to him and playing my air guitar.

Then I heard Bryce shout to me, “Mommy, what are you doing? Stop it!”

He was embarrassed of his mother. It’s more likely that he was embarrassed for me, but regardless, he was clearly not appreciative of my sweet dance moves, less than perfect rocker voice, or my expert hair thrashing.

So I turned up the music and sang louder. 🙂

Wanda Says…On the importance of wagons.

November 5, 2014 / Wanda / 8 Comments

I fell off the wagon.

Actually, it would be more accurate to say that I jumped off the wagon. Except my wagon isn’t just a workout wagon. My wagon is a high maintenance, high protein, sweaty, fruit and vegetable cart.

After three months of living in my workout clothes and having very little to show for it, I took a break. I stopped working out for about two weeks. I drank wine. I ate pizza, burritos and Halloween candy.

It was a little scary at first. I had become so routine with my workouts and I was following a very structured whole foods diet for about a month, purging my house of so many unhealthy processed foods. So the first time I allowed myself to eat a slice of pizza, I did so with trepidation. Isn’t that ridiculous? As if the cheese on my pizza or the pizza crust would cause my body to instantly self-destruct the moment I swallowed it. That’s how I felt. When you educate yourself and understand what you’re really putting into your body when you eat processed, preservative and chemical laced foods, it really can be a bit scary when you knowingly choose to ignore that knowledge and eat it anyway.

But eat it, I did. And it was sooooooo good! I wish I could tell you I didn’t miss it. I wish I could tell you that eating healthier whole foods for a period of time had erased my love of sugar and complex carbohydrates, but that would be a lie of ginormous proportions.

I didn’t completely lose my mind. I followed the general outlines of my diet for the most part, still eating a lot of protein and high fiber carbs. But if I wanted some chocolate after dinner, or an extra glass of wine with my meal during my little hiatus, I indulged. One morning I ate toast with white, fluffy, delicious bread and Jif Peanut Butter. Another night I had pizza because I was sick to death of cooking. For me, that’s the hardest part of trying to eat clean. You have to prepare everything yourself from all fresh, natural, organic ingredients. The meals I cook taste great, but that’s a lot of meal preparation when you eat five times a day and still have a thousand other things that have to get done between the kids, work, housework, homework, etc… There is no convenient opening a package and putting it in the microwave. No take out. No delivery. No restaurants. I miss restaurants.

Surprisingly, I didn’t gain any weight. To date, I’m down six pounds, still averaging about a half pound a week. Trying to eat healthy all the time, workout every day, and still not see more noticeable physical results for weeks and weeks is very defeating. Some days it makes me question why I deprive myself at all. Why put myself through this hard work and abstain from all the delicious foods, convenience and restaurants I enjoy for a measly six pounds?

And the answer is that because losing six pounds is better than gaining six pounds. Being less tired and having more energy is worth it. Showing my kids that no matter how slow and frustrating the process can be, that mommy isn’t going to give up, makes it worth it. Knowing I’m slowly improving my health and the overall health of my family through being more conscientious of our physical activity and eating habits makes it worth it. It’s not a sexy answer, or a fun one. But it’s the truth.

After two weeks of lazy self-indulgence, I don’t feel any better for it. Oh sure, I enjoyed my Halloween candy, but not to the point where I can give up all the hard work I’ve done thus far. So today, I chased down my wagon. I’ve realized that I need the foundation of that metaphorical wagon to build on for my continued success. The wagon helps me with focus and temperance. It’s a symbol, or a reminder of what I am trying to accomplish. There might be some gaps in the boards of that wagon, where occasionally chocolate and cheese can creep through, or a bottle of wine, but as long as the foundation is solid, I can live with that.

Here’s to the next six pounds! 🙂

Wanda Says…I was nominated for a Liebster Award!

November 4, 2014 / Wanda / 13 Comments

Recently I was nominated for the Liebster Award by my fellow blogger, Sweety Kannoth at The ‘Pen’lightenment of the Soul. Thank you Sweety! And please accept my apology for the lateness of my response to your nomination.

I’ve seen this award on other blogs I’ve read and followed, and while I’m still figuring out the ins and outs of blogger nominated awards, I am extremely flattered and appreciate the mention.

For other bloggers to whom I will pass this on, here are the rules:

1. Link and thank the person who nominated you

2. Answer the questions they asked you

3. Pick eleven awesome bloggers to nominate ( preferably those with less than or around 200 followers )

4. Ask them eleven questions

5. Let them know by commenting on one of their posts

Here are my questions, provided by Sweety Kannoth :

Give one word to describe your blog.—Honest
What is that one quality that makes you different from other bloggers.—I have no idea. I think other bloggers would have to decide that for themselves. I’m not trying to be different from anyone, I’m just trying to be me.
Which is that one place in the entire world that you would want to visit before you die?—Egypt, and the Giza Plateau. I need to see the pyramids before I die. I know the aliens built that shit, and I want to see it with my own eyes. LOL! Just kidding! Seriously though, I think it would be an amazing experience to stand before that incredible example of ancient engineering and world history.
Name three things that inspire your writings or pictures.—My family, my personal interests, and my depression. Depression can be a tough subject to talk about, and I’ve found the best way to deal with it is to make fun of it.
What according to you is more important, money or memories?—Memories, of course, but I would like to have money so that I can go to fun and exciting places to make more memories. Let’s face it, memories in your living room are good, but memories of amazing and sometimes disastrous family vacations can be epic.
Which is that one place, close to your home that always makes you take out your pen or camera?—The beach by our house. We live a few miles from the Pacific Ocean and Manhattan Beach. At the right time of day, it can be breathtaking. My husband took this picture not too long ago, so you can see exactly what I mean.
What is that one quality you look for most in a friend?—Loyalty
How did you start with blogging?—Depression was slowly eating my soul, and I needed a hobby to help me feel like me again. My husband suggested it because he knew I needed an outlet, and he thinks I’m funny. 🙂
9. Which is your most favorite holiday destination to date? (a place you have been)—We usually only travel to see family on the holidays, and those are not exciting locales. We love seeing the family, but not necessarily the location. So I would have to say that as far as my favorite places to travel, Chicago is my favorite city. First runner up would be New York City, and then the Caribbean after that. Barbados is my favorite island in the Caribbean.
What is your favorite hobby other than blogging?—Reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Which is your favorite movie and why?—The Goonies, because Goonies never say die!!!!!!!!!

So now I’m supposed to nominate eleven new bloggers for this award, but the problem is that I don’t know eleven new bloggers to nominate. I’ve only been blogging for three months, and most of the bloggers I follow have been around a lot longer than that and have already participated in this award. So, I will nominate these great bloggers, and more later on as I find them:

http://joyceharkness.com/ (Because she is incredibly smart and inspiring).

http://positivelyeffervescent.wordpress.com/ (Because everything she writes makes me laugh).

http://wandaringthroughlalaland.wordpress.com/ (Because she is hilarious and her name is also Wanda)!

http://brandedexplorer.wordpress.com/ (Because she is quirky, sarcastic and funny).

http://hysterectomy4dysmenorrhea.wordpress.com/ (Because she is also hilarious, smart, and she’s not afraid to tackle some really tough subjects with regard to women’s health and wellness).

If any of you nominated choose not to participate, that’s fine. I completely understand. But if you do choose to accept the award, please answer the same eleven questions stated above.

Thanks again for the nomination, and have a great week! 🙂