Wanda Says…I’ve touched poop with my bare hands.

/ Wanda

smelly diaperI’ve done a lot of disgusting, undesirable things since becoming a mom.

For example, at various times and for various reasons I’ve caught both of my kid’s pee, poop, and vomit with my bare hands.  This was usually in an attempt to redirect the flow or minimize the splash zone.

I’ve sniffed butts, armpits, underwear, diapers, and feet to determine the source of offensive odors.  You know you’re a parent when you have no qualms, whatsoever, about picking up your small child and smelling their ass in public to determine if he or she has a poopy diaper.

When Bryn was three years old, she crawled into bed with me, woke me up and told me she had an upset stomach.  I laid her down with me and began to rub her tummy while questioning her about her symptoms.  Before I knew what was coming, she sat up and threw up all over both of us in the middle of my bed.  It was everywhere.  She was hysterical and we were both covered in vomit.

What? It's just a little pee!

What? It’s just a little pee!

When my son was an infant he shot a stream of his pee into my open mouth when I was changing his diaper.  With baby boys you can never let your guard down while changing diapers. You have to be focused and quick to avoid disaster.  He was laying on his back on the changing table and I was talking to my husband.  His timing was perfect.  I was distracted while doing two things at once, and his pee shot straight up into my face as I turned my head and opened my mouth to talk.  Believe me when I say that was a startling, gag-worthy experience, and one I hope never to repeat, ever.

Another time while at Disneyland with the kids, I was holding Bryce on my hip while waiting in line to meet Mickey Mouse.  He was two and not yet potty trained.  He peed and pooped in his pull-up at the same time, and the two substances mixed to form a watery concoction that leaked all over my clothes from my waist down to my thighs.  I had extra clothes for him and was able to buy a new shirt for myself at the gift shop, but was at a loss to replace my jeans.  I smelled like I had the Hershey squirts for the rest of the day, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed.

When my daughter was five we were in the bathroom at Midway Airport in Chicago, Illinois.  Midway is a pretty nice airport, and their bathrooms are actually nicer than most, but when you have hundreds of people moving through them everyday they just can’t be that clean.  Well, after using the facilities, my daughter accidentally dropped orange cather favorite stuffed animal, a little orange cat named Spooky, into the airport bathroom toilet.  We both froze. And then, without thinking,  I did what any self-respecting, child loving woman with a Mom Card would do…I reached my hand into that Godforsaken pee-germ bowl of bacteria and I saved Spooky.  I rinsed him in the sink of the bathroom, wrapped him in a roll of paper towels, and then asked the cleaning woman in the restroom to pour straight bleach on my hands.  When we arrived at our hotel, I soaked Spooky in hot water and shampoo (it was the only soap I had).  Bryn was sad that I wouldn’t allow her to snuggle Spooky after his traumatic nearly-flushed down the toilet ordeal, but she understood that he needed to be thoroughly decontaminated first.  After arriving home at the end of our vacation, I put Spooky through a hot water cycle in the washing machine and high heat dryer before he found his way back into Bryn’s arms.

What I find noteworthy about these foul experiences with my children is how becoming a parent changes your reaction to them. Instead of becoming physically ill myself after being thrown up on, or grossed out by the ordeal, my first thought is of my child’s comfort, fear and how to make it better for them.  Instinctually, my own needs become secondary to theirs.  I will walk around Disneyland with my son’s poop on my jeans, and not make a federal case of it so he doesn’t feel shame.  I will bathe and wash my germy toiletdaughter’s hair before I wash her vomit out of my own hair so she will know her health and comfort are more important to me than a little (a lot) of throw up.  I will stick my hand in a disgusting airport bathroom toilet to save a beloved stuffed animal before I will allow my daughter to suffer that loss.

I have earned my Mom Card, and God only knows what their pre-teen and teen years will require of me.

Now I would love to know…What is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever done for your kids?  🙂

 

16 thoughts on “Wanda Says…I’ve touched poop with my bare hands.”

  3. Being that I don’t have kids … or at least none that I know of … I’m going to have draw on my cat momma experiences.

    I am not grossed out by my cats and what THEY do! I have picked up bare cat poop with my hands … it was of course like a dried rock … so it didn’t have residual brown goo. I have picked off litter and little tiny poo clumps from their hairy hineys … with a tissue barrier of course! OK, I’ve picked the litter off bare handed … but the little sticky poppers, I get Kleenex for that! I wipe up cat vomit sans or avec hair with one fatal swoop … never gagging like I do if I’ve whenever I’ve cleaned up patient vomit. I gag sometimes with patient’s secretions (I’m a nurse) … and I try not to let them see me … but those actual patient-secretion days have been 10 years ago as my job doesn’t call for that kind of hands on patient wipe up action anymore!

    When my grey little dust bunny (AKA as a cat) was just a kitten he got diarrhea all over him. Poor thing … I promptly took him into the bathtub and washed him off never wincing, never gagging. And what may gross some people out to no end, is that my little grey dust bunny, now almost two and completely grown, likes to do is suckle on a blanket while I sleep. He gets so excited by this action he drools … he has drooled in my eye, over my cheek, in my ear and yes, into my mouth! I’m not super grossed out, but do immediately wipe the slobber off me. My husband, however, is completely disgusted by this juicy dust bunny’s drooling!

    So, Wanda, you don’t have to have babies to get a strong gut … simply unconditional ❤ for your little ones whether they be babies or furbabies! 🙂

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    • LOL! My cat drools on me too! He likes to sleep on my chest, or draped over my arm when I sleep, and he purrs so loud he gets this continual stream of drool. Sometimes I wake up with a big wet spot on my chest and I know that he’s been there. LOL! Animal messes don’t bother me at all, either. And with my own kids, I don’t bat an eye, usually. But grown adults…no way. I have a special place in my heart for nurses, because I know I couldn’t do what they do!

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      • I am really glad to know I’m not the only one swimming in cat drool! 🙂

        I don’t think I said so, but I really liked that particular post. 🙂 Please don’t ever write about hysterectomies … it’s one of the reasons I come to your blog, because it’s light, funny and has nothing to do with uterus removal!

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  5. Sorry Wanda, I have nothing at this moment! I KNOW somewhere in this empty head of mine there is a disgusting memory stuck in there, jumping up and down saying, “Ooh, Ooh, remember when…”, but until I can have a much needed brain fart, I have nothing!
    Loved the post though!

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  6. hmm good question. While working in a child care facility I had to clean up after a toddler who thought it would be a good idea to make a picture out of his poop on the bathroom walls. How does one approach this toddler (who does not belong to me) without making him feel bad but also letting him know its not ok to use poop as paint? The child was clearly proud of his work. So naturally I told him his picture was quite creative (mental gag here) but that we had to clean it up because we needed to hang other kids art up. (normal pictures on paper made with crayons). Luckily the child accepted my logic, and of course I informed the parent. That was a tough one. yuck.

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