Wanda Says…Do these wrinkles make me look wrinkly?

spa girlLately I’ve been having a lot of facial skin issues and it’s stressing me out. I’m a firm believer in rocking what you’ve got, and my good skin has always been an asset that I don’t mess around with.  I buy good skin care products, wash my face every day and moisturize.

I don’t know if it’s my hormones, but the texture of my face right now is similar to that of a 13-year old girl. I haven’t had to buy Clearasil since I was a freshman in college.  Last week, I had to go buy a tube of that shit, and guess what?  It doesn’t work!  It’s like I have mutated, zit cream resistant acne.  I had to go through puberty once to become a woman, and now I have to go through it twice to become an older woman?  WTF?

Now let’s talk about all the wrinkles and lines that have appeared on my face in the past month or so. It’s like I just woke up one morning with crow’s feet and saggy eyelids.

Shar PeiI’m pretty conservative with makeup during the week since I’m usually home with my kids. If my husband and I have a date or plans to go out with friends, I will wear more makeup, depending on the occasion.  But I’ve noticed lately that even my makeup is aging me.  For example, any eye-shadow with a shimmer to it makes me look like an old hooker.  And despite the fact that I don’t wear a ton of makeup, when I do it’s like it just settles into all the lines in my face, making me look like one of those Shar Pei dogs.  (And if you’ve been reading my blog from its inception, you know how I feel about being compared to dogs!)

So today I went to Sephora seeking the advice and support from cosmetic and skin care professionals. I’m typically leery of asking for help in that store, because it’s so easy for them to ply you with over-priced makeup and products, convincing you that you need all this crazy stuff if you want to be beautiful.  It can be overwhelming, and I’m already vulnerable and feeling insecure about my appearance.   Today, I was their perfect customer.  It went like this:

Me: Hi.  I need help (cringe) picking out some new foundation.  The one I’ve been using is a powder and it’s making my fine lines appear worse.

Sales Girl: Are you wearing a primer?

Me: No.  What’s a primer?

SG: Well, that is part of your problem!  (She parks me in front of the makeup mirror and hands me a makeup remover towel).  Clean all the makeup off your face and we will start from scratch!

Me: (thinking, “Oh Fuck!  I’m in for it now!”)

face creamSG: We are going to start with something called a Truth Serum!  This is a fantastic product that has Vitamin C and it’s essential for hydration, brightening the skin, anti-aging and protection.  You will love this, and the small bottle is only $48.00!  Don’t you just love that citrus scent?  It’s so refreshing!  Now I am going to apply this moisturizer, and then some makeup primer.  The primer fills in all the lines and wrinkles.  It’s basically like spackle for your face!  Isn’t that fantastic!  Oh, look how much better you look already! Now we will apply some foundation…whah, whah, whah, whah, whah, whah (to be read like the adult voices in all the Charlie Brown shows.)

And what’s sad is that I’m so desperate to resolve these skin issues and get back to normal, I allowed myself to drink the Kool-Aid.  I allowed myself to be worn down emotionally by a barely 22 year old girl with no wrinkles wearing enough makeup to make her look like a clown, or an extra in an 80’s Robert Palmer video.  I’m not proud.

I walked out of there with a whole new skin care system (including the Truth Serum), Mark Jacobs foundation, fancy makeup primer (spackle) and new mascara for just under $200.00.  My silver lining is that Sephora has a great return policy.  If it doesn’t work or you don’t like it, and you’ve used less than 50% of the product and have your receipt, you can return anything.  It sort of takes the sting out of buying a $30.00 tube of spackle.  🙂

Wanda Says…The Hormone Guide–How To Speak To Women

wpid-facebook951410623238809.jpgMy neighbor and dear friend sent me this funny chart today.  We laughed, and then we added a few of our own “safest” comments.  They went like this…

That whole dirty, un-showered look you’ve got going on?  You rock that shit, baby.

Is that new perfume, or do I just love the way you smell after you haven’t washed your hair in two days?

It’s perfectly fine that you’ve been wearing the same yoga pants for three days.  I know, they are so versatile!

Oh, don’t worry about not having time to do my laundry this week.  I’ll just go buy new underwear on my way to work tomorrow.  It’s no big deal!

That spit-up on your shirt doesn’t smell offensive at all.  It smells really organic and fresh.

You look great with your hair up in that messy knot everyday.  I don’t miss your clean, untangled hair, at all.

If you say so, then it must be hot as hell in here.  Let me go put on a sweater and then I’ll crank up the AC.

You don’t need to shave your legs.  Chewbacca is my favorite Star Wars character for a reason!

You’re right, honey!  Chocolate goes with everything!  🙂